And it's not even that I don't know where to apply, or that I won't have enough financial aid, or even that I don't think that I'll get in anywhere; it's that I'm afraid that I'm going to get into a wonderful college and pay lots of money and come out still not knowing what I'm doing with my life. And then I'll end up in some mediocre-paying job that I'll hate. Either that, or I just won't make money, because none of my interests are practical enough (nor am I spectacular enough) to make anything out of it. I'm afraid that my college education will be a waste because I won't know how to use it. I'm afraid that I'm not as smart or talented as everyone somehow thinks I am. I'm afraid that I'll be too afraid to disappoint my parents (or society) to not do something traditional. Some cubicle job, or some job with prestige. I'm afraid that this fear is going to stop me from doing something great, if I can even achieve something great.
I am so scared, and I feel like I'm back at square one all over again. Where'd all my confidence go?
1 comment:
this. this is me right now. except i actually enter college in about a little more than a week...
and i thought the hard part was over. what happened to the time when i just wanted to get into college? :(
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