my mother and I

Usually at dinner, I gorge myself with the Chinese food and finish it in about ten minutes, then rush back into my cave of a room to sit down and do productive things (or something along those lines). But today, I sat at the dinner table for a good hour, just talking to my mom. And it was nice, because I didn't cry once, which is actually a pretty big step in my life, since I tend to cry a lot around my mom (she just makes me very emotional, what can I say).

I talked about my future and how my life would basically end after I got a child, since I'd be too busy taking care of the darn thing to travel anywhere or do something amazing like change the world. I'd have to find some permanent job at age 30 and raise a family, even with so much life left. Then I realized that I probably offended her, because she was one of those women who got married at 20 and had a child at 21 or 22. But she looked at me and smiled, and said that it was the most honorable thing that she's ever done, and we had that cheesy mother-daughter moment for a few split seconds. Moms can get really cheesy (insert senior ads), but it's not like they show the tearful and overdramatic mother-daughter relationships in movies for no reason.

Then she asked me if she thought I'd marry a white guy or an Asian guy, and we had fun with that. I doubt you care, but I have never even contemplated a white husband until recently. It is not my fault! The Asian ideal guy has been imprinted in me ever since I came to this Asian-infested city. It's actually slightly sad; whenever I go to camp, the first guys I see are Asian. But I think that this infatuation for Asian guys has finally expired, because I am so sick of them. The thought of a white husband no longer makes me raise my eyebrow with confusion (probably because I don't have a bad image of one yet). Aye. Who cares though. I will never be able to escape Asians. It's in me. Forever.

We talked about her CEOs and their speeches, and then we talked about a guy who skipped his entire high school years, then we talked about people changing in college, then we talked about college essays, then we talked about all my friends... and it felt so wonderful. It felt so nostalgic. I'm going to miss my mother so much; she's basically the reason that I was able to get through physics, the reason I was able to get through my breakup, the reason I sing songs to myself and appreciate the small things in life and manage to break out in a smile every day. I've never met someone so level-headed and loving. So here's to you, mom. Only you could get that excited about buying pants for my brother or random salmon dip from Whole Foods.

I'm a rockstar no matter what online games tell me

Right, so it's been a good month (and a half?) since I've been here. I blame it on the laptop spontaneously deciding to be a teenage female drama queen, deciding to try drugs while on her period, then crashing. Goodbye various important documents and a few hundred of my favorite songs; farewell!

I don't remember what I'm supposed to use this thing for anymore. I don't know who I'm talking to either. I do feel comfortable in this little room I've isolated myself in. It's too loud outside. Too many people.

I'd rather sit and play Hit Machine on OMGPOP. Yes. Oh freaking yes. It's basically FFR, which is DDR for the fingers. I don't know why I think that I'm playing the piano when I'm hitting these keys on the keyboard, and I don't know why I act like I'm playing a ridiculously amazing drum solo or strumming along on my banjo, when I only get 50% accuracies (which means I only manage to correctly "tap" half of the notes). But man, the fantasies sure do take me far. I close my eyes (maybe that's why I'm only tapping half of the notes) and tap tap away on my keyboard, hey look I'm a jazz pianist, oh wait now I'm a rockstar and everybody loves me, wow I did not know I could play guitar and bass at the same time, look at me go! Oh, wow, I actually hit that note, there's so much color on my screen oh my gosh I'm blinded by my awesomeness!

And then I realize that I'm still in front of my computer, wasting time playing some game on OMGPOP...

But yes. That is how I've been wasting my time for the past month while I've been gone. I wish I could say that I won some kind of online award (actually, that'd probably be sad), but I don't think I've even improved much (still talking about Hit Machine). Well, I did. I improved from a 50% accuracy to a 75% accuracy. But that's still failing. So I guess I should go find something better to do.

Okay, so remember how we all used to post on our xangas these short little blurbs of every single thing that's happening in our lives (or was that just me)? Yeah, that's coming:

• Homecoming is quickly approaching, and I suppose it's still pretty exciting despite the fact that the entire nation of China (and Taiwan) decided to tag along.
• My common app essay is about how much of a wuss I am (aka i-like-to-cry-even-during-inappropriate-times)
• I found a notebook that me and three other friends used to pass around and write in in 8th grade. Its name was "Le Fanton," derived from Fanta. It was really silly, and it's embarrassing to read my entries in it, but I suppose I will feel the same way years from now while reading back on this stupid blog post.
• The first issue of the school magazine looks amazing. It is my baby that I managed to get without being pregnant or having sex with .. paper? Okay, I guess I didn't have to elaborate on that one.
• I am going to an interactive zombie apocalypse on the Sunday after homecoming. They give us guns, and we get to shoot the live zombies that come at us. I don't actually know how that works; will something actually shoot out of our guns, so that when they feel it, they'll pretend to drop dead? I hope it's a dart gun. I don't want to go. I'm still scared, even after that terrible Netherworld fiasco last year. But I have to go since I volunteered to write the article... what the heck?!
• The whole interactive thing seems to be the hot thing these days. Google docs is also interactive and it is the best thing ever invented. I wonder if they'll make movies interactive too. I really would like to go into Inception, kick out the Juno girl, and sit in Joseph Gordon-Levitt's lap. Oh, and the whole getting stuck in a dream thing would be cool too, I guess.
• School's hard but I don't care
• This is getting a bit long.

Right, so I'm so glad that you are just as obsessed about me as I am about myself. Okay, bye. What? Do I usually say bye at the end of posts? Wow, I feel like I'm in 8th grade again, writing on a xanga. It's a wonderful feeling.