documentation of the thoughts of a girl one week before she graduates.

All I can think is, "Woah. How did I get here?"

When I look at the freshmen, all I see is myself. When I look at the sixth graders, all I see is myself. I see myself in the 500 hallway four years ago, a head shorter than everyone else and heavily self-conscious of how I walked, I see myself obsessing ("obsessing" is the equivalent of screaming for five minutes while wildly flailing my arms around) over cute little keychains and stuffed animals from the store at H-mart. I see myself being all wide-eyed and innocent, unaware of what a "boner" was and confused about the logistics of high school, the secrets of how to get by without breaking anything.

And then I look at all the pictures I've taken and I see how old I suddenly look, and it takes me by surprise when I realize- I'm not that girl anymore. I'm four years older and counting. I dress differently, I laugh differently, I talk differently, I write differently. I do different things and have different friends and priorities. I don't want to be a journalist or major in English or something liberal artsy anymore. And I'm comfortable with myself- quite a change.

And it surprises me every time to see all the changes and to see how much I've aged, but I think this shock has hit the hardest, because I can spend long minutes just lying on my bed and staring out the window, recalling when I had rollerbladed down that road, and bicycled down that road, and scraped my knee and my hand. And I can wake up in the morning with a deep pang in my stomach and heart, because I can suddenly smell the new-blanket, air-conditioned smell of those Shocco rooms, and to think that this is what I'm leaving and never coming back to in the same way- it just hurts a bit. It hurts a bit to know that I'm saying goodbye to myself, and all I came with.

I don't quite know how to handle it, because I know there's nothing I can do to pause time. But at the same time, the excitement is still crazily bubbling out of me when I think of COLLEGE and all the new things it'll bring.. the people and food and freedom! I still don't know how I got here, to this point I thought I'd never reach. But here I am, going into the most ambiguous future (they never tell you what happens in college). But then, to know that the only place to go after college is the place where my parents are currently at... oh boy.

But at this point, with all these confused emotions and such apparent changes in my life, the constant things are the things that are nice and comfortable, that I'm holding on to in this crazy transition. God. It took me a while to realize it, but through all this, from seventh grade until now, the one crazily constant thing has been Him. He still loves me the same, regardless of pre-puberty or post. He's still the one who I learn time and time again will always be there for me when everyone else is gone, when everything seems hopeless. His words to me are still the same; the Scripture still holds so much power; I am still in love with Him.

And it's comforting that at least some part of my life will still be there when I leave Johns Creek, when my friends leave for college, when childhood leaves me and memories begin to become forgotten. At least God's still here.