rejection feels so real

I guess it's just one of those things that you see at first sight and immediately lust after. Like the romance in chick flicks or the overpriced car or the laid-back life in France. Those things that you see and want and are silly enough to reach after. In childish hopes. Thinking that you would be that exception to everything everyone's ever said to you, that you would prove all the "you can't!"s wrong. I guess it's like watching the romantic scenes fold out in front of your eyes on the screen and saying, "Hm, I'm going to go look for a perfect boy myself and I won't settle for anything less!" then getting your heart broken upon realizing that hey, that type of stuff doesn't exist. Or seeing the red flashy car and deciding that you'll go get it upon realizing that it's just not possible to get a promotion in your 30,000 salary job in which all the employers around you are getting laid off and put on the streets. Or saying "hey, I'm going to go live in France next year," then getting there and realizing that one, you're out of money and two, you're out of luck; the weather's miserable and the people are miserable and it's nothing like the shows or the books. It's like stepping on campus and believing for a second that you could be studying in that library, walking down the streets of New York, playing frisbee on that perfectly trimmed lawn... then suddenly understanding that you do not not not fall under the small 19% of the entire freaking world. That it was just a dream and just a dream and just a dream, and that dreams pass and are soon forgotten. A distant memory. And that it's still okay, because dreams end and life moves on, and the world keeps turning, and there's still people in the world who have no money and have not even a slimmer of hope for college education. And that in the real world, I'll get where I get, wherever I belong, and dreams fade... it's like realizing Santa was never real, then accepting it as a fact, even though it's all you believed in for the first six years of your life.

I'm putting my heart in Chicago now and if I don't make that one I might have to be a little bit more depressed. But for now, I'll just have to finish the rest of my college applications and study for finals and go to Lifetime because my house is in a really downtrodden mood. My dad's sighing and my mom's sighing and they're both telling me to change my essay and look over my resume one more time. And I think I'd rather be running, and hey, that would make two trips to Lifetime in one week, which means I'm progressing in my exercise plans.